I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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