dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
