Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
