The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
