we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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