Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
