if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
