The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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