That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
