what day is it and did you see me today?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
They are going to name an STD after you.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Pants are for mortals
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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