I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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