That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize