I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
