So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
