she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize