i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
either way he was missing a nipple.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
