Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
