That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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