Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
