I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
