so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
