i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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