she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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