i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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