If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
