he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
