Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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