Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
