TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
