I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
