hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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