So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Redeem this text for a blowjob
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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