We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
