i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
