Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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