i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
