Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
