Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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