To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
