I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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