I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
