it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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