In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
