I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
