Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize