Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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