I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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