Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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