I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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