Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
