it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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