I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
