Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
