I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize