it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
