fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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