So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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