why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
