She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
