Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
