Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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