but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize