Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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