this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
