in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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