That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
