bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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