question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
