my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize