I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
