There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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