i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
